My dad began having back pain around Thanksgiving of last year.
He went to the doctor and they treated him for degenerative discs.
It kept getting worse and worse and worse.
This time last year, we didn't realize that he wouldn't be here with us a year later.
3 months later he was gone.
Lung cancer took his life just one day after he turned 56- tumors riddling his spin, lung, glands, and bones. Lung cancer took my dad from me just 14 months after a Congenital Heart Defect took my son. It came out of nowhere- my dad was never a smoker. By the time we found it, it had taken over his entire body. He didn't even get the chance to fight it.
Grieving my dad has been different than grieving my son. It hasn't been as painful. No pain could ever touch the loss of Joshua. I have a lifetime of memories with my dad- I have 51 days of memories with Joshua. As a daughter, you expect to say goodbye to your parents. You don't expect to say goodbye to your own infant child.
But grieving my dad as still been incredibly difficult. Losing my dad left my mom a widow at 56 years old. It left us dazed and confused, wading the murky waters or life insurance, health insurance, 401k's, and buying and selling a home without his guidance. It left a hole in our family that cannot be filled. It left a hole in my heart, right next to the hole from losing Joshua, grasping for some understanding of how my dad could possibly be gone.
I havent' shared much about losing my dad. I've been sensitive to the fact that I am not the only one grieving his loss. My grandparents, aunt, uncle, brother and mom are all grieving too. In an effort to give them some privacy, I've grieved my dad privately- putting on the brave face for my mom and brother when I need to. It's been difficult to not write about it, but I've somehow managed.
But as Thanksgiving is coming, I'm remembering him. I'm remembering what a wonderful and loving daddy he was to me and my brother. I'm remembering what a great example of a husband he was. I'm remembering his love for his family, his quirky sense of humor, his love for my children, and his acceptance and love for my husband.
This holiday season is going to be difficult for our family as we begin new traditions without him. We will grieve, but we will not grieve like those without hope. Death has lost its grip because of Jesus' sacrifice. We will live forever with Him. I'm so thankful for that truth.
Your dad was an awesome man. I pray for your family especially as the holidays come. As you quoted 1 Thessalonians, we grieve, but not like those without hope. That makes all the difference! Can't wait to see him again!!
ReplyDeleteJill~I too find it hard to believe a year has gone by...how can that be? One of my oldest friends just lost her father to complications from mesothelioma...but she, like you, clings to I Thes: We grieve, but not like those without hope.
ReplyDeleteI often wonder how people without this hope survive a loss...I am so grateful for the Lord's faithfulness to our family in seeing them all walk with him...and I know that must be a comfort to your family too!
But, that doesn't mean that the holidays or special anniversaries become a piece of cake, just because we "grieve with hope." Because we still grieve! You & your family will be in my thoughts & prayers during this time...I know it's difficult. I know you miss your daddy. And I'm so sorry. Love you, honey.
November 10th has been one year since my dad died. On the 10th of each month that went by, I thought about it. Every day I missed him. Even though sometimes he drove me crazy I just wanted to talk to him. I wanted to talk ABOUT him. But other than my mom, nobody really mentioned him. Nobody asked about him. Nobody asked how I was. It was like he was just gone and forgotten.
ReplyDeleteI learned to just keep my thoughts to myself, shed my tears when I was alone. In July, I became a grandma so that helped but I still think about and miss my dad. In a way it's even harder. He never got to see his great-granddaughter who he would have enjoyed so.
I vow that if a friend or colleague loses someone close to them I will remember their loved one to them. I will ask how they are doing. I won't forget.
I share your pain Jill.
November 10th has been one year since my dad died. On the 10th of each month that went by, I thought about it. Every day I missed him. Even though sometimes he drove me crazy I just wanted to talk to him. I wanted to talk ABOUT him. But other than my mom, nobody really mentioned him. Nobody asked about him. Nobody asked how I was. It was like he was just gone and forgotten.
ReplyDeleteI learned to just keep my thoughts to myself, shed my tears when I was alone. In July, I became a grandma so that helped but I still think about and miss my dad. In a way it's even harder. He never got to see his great-granddaughter who he would have enjoyed so.
I vow that if a friend or colleague loses someone close to them I will remember their loved one to them. I will ask how they are doing. I won't forget.
I share your pain Jill.