This blog was originally going to be about my weightloss journey. While I know that God wants me to be healthy and to love myself like He loves me, I also know that he demands more of me than just my physical appearance. He cares more about my heart than about the number on the scale.
So, my goal changed. I need to make my heart right and then focus on the physical aspect. (Or maybe better put: I need to make my heart right and my body will follow because of the love and grace of Christ) That doesn't mean I'm going to go buck wild and eat everything in sight, but my weightless cannot be the main focus of my life right now.
Right now, I've taken on a challenge from Philippians 2: 14-16. "Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain."
I still find attending church incredibly hard for me. Worship is so deeply personal for me. I usually weep through the entire service. I am overwhelmed with love for my savior, but still hurting so intensely. The mix of love, hurt, trust, and grace are completely overwhelming and exhausting to me. But, I find that, week after week, my heart struggles to go.
It would be so incredibly easy for me to skip, to find some excuse to not go. "I'm too tired." "I'm not feeling well." "The kids have exhausted me this morning." "It's too hard and emotionally draining."It's so easy to grumble and complain. It's so easy to find excuses. It's so easy to share my complaining with others who will usually tell me what I want to hear. (Thank you to those of you who continue to speak truth into my life (even when it's not what I want to hear!) and continue to encourage me to move forward!)
But Sunday after Sunday, I drag myself to church- often with a darkened heart. I get there and I weep and I cry and I fight the feeling of anger and frustration with myself and with God. Without fail, week after week, I find myself blessed and ministered to in ways that I never expected. I meet God in a way that fuels me for the rest of the week. I find myself surrounded by people who truly love our family (and we love them just as equally) and are there for us- even when we have questions that they don't have answers to.
So, this week, I am remembering- do all things without grumbling or questioning. God has blessed me, even on my darkest days. He has loved me. He treasures me. He longs for me to draw near to him in everything that I do- changing poopy diapers, waking in the middle of the night to calm a crying baby, doing laundry, going to church, worshipping...EVERYTHING.
♥ ♥ ♥
ReplyDelete