Finding My Motivation

After a few weeks of a blogging break, I'm back.

I've been in a funk. Spiritually, physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Our holidays were good. It was the first Christmas in over 2 years that wasn't surrounded in crisis. We were able to buy some great gifts for our children (even though that is not what Christmas is all about) and we were able to just rest and be together as a family as we remembered Jesus' birth. Thinking about a baby being born to save us from our sins is always so incredibly humbling.

Along with the holidays came some changes in our family. I have begun babysitting in our home. Somedays, I have as many as 8 little ones here, some days I have as few as 4. It's been busy, therefore, I haven't had much time to sit and think and write. I'm constantly on my feet, cleaning up messes, changing diapers, putting little ones down for naps, helping resolve fights, and kissing boo boos. Coffee has become my best friend, for sure.

My book is coming along slowly. I would love to spend more time writing than I do. It's hard to find the time and the energy to write.

So here I am, in a season of busyness- trying to find the motivation to continue losing weight, eating healthy, finding time for God and my husband, managing my house hold, scheduling appointments, and keeping my sanity.

It's hard. Hard to make time for myself, when so many people demand so many things from me. It's especially hard when grief is thrown in on top of it all.

So here I am, taking another first step towards finding myself again.

So tell me, during your seasons of busyness, what do you do to take care of you? What gives you rest and helps keep you sane?

I'm Finally Here!

I've had this blog created and ready to use for quite a while.

My original purpose with this blog was to help with my weightloss.

However, life got in the way, and I ended up not using it like I wanted to.


Over the past few weeks, my life has changed in ways that I never expected. God has been working on me and preparing me for something much bigger than myself.

It's been a long 2+ years since Joshua died. His death rocked me to my core. It shook me up, tore me apart, and stripped me down to nothing.

But here I am. Still standing. Still believing. Still trusting. And still putting one foot in front of the other, trusting in God's sovereignty.

God has healed me from the anxiety. I have handed over my grief. I still experience sadness, but not the overwhelming and paralyzing kind of grief that once held my life in it's grip.

Now that those things are surrendered at the feet of Jesus, I feel Him telling me to pick myself up. Find myself again. Get rid of the physical weight that I am carrying around. Start taking care of myself. Figure out who I am again so I can effectively reach others.

So, here I am. Starting slowly. Finding myself.

Being a stay at home mom, I've really let myself go. In an effort to simply survive, I've found myself in a place of not even owning a single pair of jeans. Over the past 2 years, I have gotten rid of every single piece of nice clothing that I ever owned. I haven't owned a non nursing bra in over 3 years. My make up stash was down to mascara and 2 shades of eyeshadow. My hair dryer was dusty and shoved in the back of the linen closet.

It may not seem like much to some, but I am consciously making an effort to take better care of myself. I'm starting out slowly, but it has been my goal to make sure that every morning, I get up and do my hair and make up. Even if it's just to put on sweats and a sweatshirt and change diapers all day, I need to do something for myself.

Please. Join me in the next chapter of my life. This will be a chapter of saying goodbye to bad habits and saying hello to finding myself. It is a chapter of allowing God to form me and mold me.

He is preparing me. He is telling me to get up and move forward. So I obey.

Obedience has never felt so good in my entire life.