Thursday, November 15, 2012

Transformation of My Heart

"I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. This poor man cried and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack! The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing." Psalm 34: 4-10

It has been a long journey for me. Anxiety, grief, depression, self centered-ness, distrust, anger, resentment, and selfishness have taken root in my heart.

But God has been so incredibly faithful.

I remember the early days after Joshua died, feeling a love for God that I had never felt before. I trusted him and I believed in Him. Somewhere along the way though, I lost sight of that love. It morphed into something ugly and scary- something deep and dark.

I still have bad days. I still have days that I cry. (I've started babysitting a couple children during the day and the little boy is 2 months, to the day, older than Joshua would have been. Talk about a punch to the gut!)

But deep down inside, there is peace. Peace that only comes from the restoration of my soul. I sought the Lord and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. He didn't turn me away, even with all my ugliness. Instead, he chose to receive me with open arms when I came running back to Him. Not only did He allow me to come back to him, but he healed me. What an awesome God we serve.

He is continuously reminding me that I am his daughter- His precious jewel. He treasures me and loves me more than I will ever be able to comprehend. So much so that He sent his son to die for me.


  1. Psalm 45: 6-15

    6 Your throne, O God, will last for ever and ever;
    a scepter of justice will be the scepter of your kingdom.
    7 You love righteousness and hate wickedness;
    therefore God, your God, has set you above your companions
    by anointing you with the oil of joy.
    8 All your robes are fragrant with myrrh and aloes and cassia;
    from palaces adorned with ivory
    the music of the strings makes you glad.
    9 Daughters of kings are among your honored women;
    at your right hand is the royal bride in gold of Ophir.
    10 Listen, daughter, and pay careful attention:
    Forget your people and your father’s house.
    11 Let the king be enthralled by your beauty;
    honor him, for he is your lord.
    12 The city of Tyre will come with a gift,
    people of wealth will seek your favor.
    13 All glorious is the princess within her chamber;
    her gown is interwoven with gold.
    14 In embroidered garments she is led to the king;
    her virgin companions follow her—
    those brought to be with her.
    15 Led in with joy and gladness,
    they enter the palace of the king.

    I love these verses. Did you know that myrrh, aloe, & cassia, beyond their fragrance, all have healing properties? So Jesus literally walks clothed in the fragrance of healing?
    And when it talks about the princess, you, the King’s daughter, being glorious? Clothed in garments embroidered & interwoven with gold?…The beauty of healing that has taken place: the gloriousness is the beauty shining from the inside out where God has touched & healed his daughter while the attire represents Him marking & declaring you as His precious one.


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